Why did it have to be that way. I know God has a plan for all of our lives, but I still wish it didn't have to all happen so fast. Tom and I both knew this time would come, but never expected it to go so fast. The past 9 months changed our lives..... and not like the kind of 9 months that changed our lives in 2008 when we added to our family. This 9 months in 2010 was so different. We never lost hope, faith or love. But in the end, the physical being loss is still shocking. Even though we knew the capabilities of this cancer that we were facing, it still all happened so fast.
The past few days Nathan and I have been watching home videos. Nathan requests, "See Dada, See Dada." Tom had recorded a message for Nathan the day before he had surgery in August. It brought me to tears the first time we watched it together. Since, we've seen it multiple times and every time I still wish he was here. I'm so grateful he did that for not only Nathan, but me too, and the rest of our family. His message not only shows his love, but also his faith. I love you, hunny.
It all happened so fast, I knew life would be just me and Nathan in the end, and as hard as it was to bear the thought of Tom not seeing Nathan off to kindergarden, I still never imagined everything would happen so fast. I know I keep saying that, and I can't help it. Just two months prior was Nathan's 2nd birthday party, and watching the video now, knowing how sick Tom was inside, he was full of life on the outside. After presents were done, he makes everyone laugh as he says, "ok, presents done, time to chug beer!" Those who don't know my husband's sense of humor won't really understand that he didn't really intend to actually "chug beer" but it was just way of getting people to laugh. He loved to do that, he loved getting people to laugh.
Still, it all happened so fast. I would not have wanted to know 9 months ago how life's events would change, but still, right up until the last days, even knowing Tom was home on hospice, a part of me had hope that he would get better. It was a hard day when I realized it wasn't going to happen. That's when I knew everything I was doing to help my husband to be comfortable as he transitioned from this life to his new life, wasn't going to bring him back to me in my earthly life. I yearn for the day I can see him again. Until then, I have to figure out what this life means for Nathan and I, what we will do, and trust in God that He will show us and teach us. It's not going to be easy, so I hold on to hope and faith to get me through.
5 comments:
Roxanne,
I know this is hard and still may not even be real. But you have faith, friends and family that are here to help you through the tough times. Each day watching Nate grow will help ease the pain inside.
I appreciate you letting me see the movies on Friday- it was hard but I am grateful that we could share those moments together. And it was so awesome to hear his voice & laugh again.
I'm so glad that you have home movies of Tom that will show Nate the wonderful man his daddy was. My offer still stands...there's a lot to do in ATL with the kids so any time you and Nate need to get away, you're more than welcome to stay with us.
You have such a strong faith and love for God even in this time of hardship and it inspires me. Know that you are loved by so many, and more importantly by God. He loves you more than you can ever imagine, and makes all things work together for good for those you love him and are called according to his purpose. Praying for you. Love.
I cry every time I read your posts. You are an amazing person and I am so glad that you realize you have God on your side. I have prayed for you and your family many times. I do hope that over time your heart can heal and you can always have the wonderful memories that you shared as a family. Please know that there are many people out there that you can reach out to if you ever need to. ((Hugs))
Your strength is undoubtedly amazing and your faith is above and beyond. With God on your side along with the many family and friends, I have no doubt that you and Nathan will be well taken care. And we can't forget the handsome angel that will be there for you along the way as well. Hugs and kisses and if you ever want to hang like we did this past Saturday (minus a sick baby), let me know. Hugs and kisses to you and Nathan (a.k.a. Little Dude)!!!
Post a Comment