My Love

I love you, Tom my hunny.  You are the love of my life, and always will be.  You taught me a lot, made me laugh so much more than I ever imagined, and gave me the most miracle of gifts that anyone could ever give; our son.

Like you always say, keep it simple, so I will do my best to just keep this simple.  Only you and God know everything else going through my mind.

Tuesday, Feb 8th - Sunday, Feb 13th
Tom was released from AMC to come home, on hospice care (as previously stated in the below post)
Tuesday night I was on my own with Nathan and Tom.  All Tom wanted to do all the time was take a shower because the hot water felt so comforting and relaxing on his sore aching body.  I wished I could have given him every shower he asked for, but the pain patch on his neck could not get wet for 12 hours.  It was difficult to explain to Tom why he couldn't have a shower, and why he needed to wait.  Tom was still experiencing considerable confusion as a result of the seizure and growing cancer, as well as weakness in his body.  I was up with Tom about 3 or 4 times that night.


Hospice came for the first visit/consultation on Wednesday morning.  Tom was displaying a great deal of anxiety.  His care team and Dr decided upon proper dosage of meeds to help his pain relief and anxiety.  My sister Suzie was able to come help me, she arrived late Wed evening.  Had she not gotten here when she did, I don't know what I would have done in the morning.  Sorry, but this event that happened is private.  No one got hurt.


It's getting difficult for me to remember each day individually, but each day that passed, Tom showed significant progression in the dying process.  Again, had my sister not been here to help me at night, I couldn't have gotten through the night's events.  Greg, Tom's best friend, also came over overtime I called him when we needed his support and help, no matter what time it was.

Thursday night it was very difficult for Tom to stand up on his own legs, and it was hard for me to help him get into bed.  We had called in for help to get him in a more comfortable position, then the following day, a hospital bed was ordered and arrived.  It would be much more comfortable and easier for Tom, and it was.

I am sparing a lot of detail because much of what went on is very private and nothing that I feel is necessary to share.  The natural dying process is very difficult to watch the love of your life experience.

It came to the point that Tom was unable to swallow his medications, even crushed and syringed.  The hospice nurses and social workers were here at the house daily, sometimes twice or more a day to help coach us through the process and to monitor Tom's progression.

Every day seemed to have such change, and everything happened so fast.  By Sunday, Tom became increasingly unaware and unresponsive.  We knew he could still here us as his spirit is very much alive, just his body was what was dying.

Monday, February 14th
When the hospice nurse arrived early Monday morning, she gave Tom a thorough exam and explained a lot of signs she was seeing.  She explained to us that this is the time we needed to ensure family and close friends that wanted to come say anything to Tom.  The day was filled with just that.  I wanted to be sure and give everyone their own alone time with Tom to tell him what they wanted without worrying about what others would think of what they said.  It is a private time, a private moment to have with your beloved husband, father, brother, son, and friend.


The evening progressed more and more, another nurse came, finally a pain pump was hooked up into Tom's port, and I was giving him other meds in the form of a topical cream rubbed onto his wrist.  This all due to the fact that Tom no longer had a swallowing reflux.


As the evening went on, and signs became more pronounced, my sisters and I had a private moment with Tom praying over him.  I called Greg to come, and in the short time that I had, Tom took his final breath.  It was easy and calming, relaxing and gentle for him.  


After my private time with Tom following his passing, we phoned family and the nurse.  Official time of death is announced by the hospice nurse when she arrives, which wasn't until 12:45am February 15th.  


Sparing the rest of the details...private for family present.  Nathan and I, together, gave daddy a last kiss.


I'm only able to write this post through because I have the support of my family, and my sisters are here in the room with me, as well as Nathan at my side.  If it weren't for Nathan's smiling little sweet face, I don't know what I would do.  And when my sister's leave my house, I know everything will change, but I do have a lot, a ton, of supportive friends and family, so while I know Nathan and I will never be alone, it still won't be easy.


Thank you for all of your love, support, help and prayers.  Funeral arrangement details will be in the next post.  You can also find information on the Friends of Tom Schwandt group page on Facebook.




Love,
Tom, Roxanne & Nathan