Time Moves On

Wow, it's been well over a year since I posted anything in my personal blog.  For some reason when I woke up this morning, the voice inside me told me to read those most recent posts.  What I've discovered is... those feelings are all so real yet, but I can see how far I've come in learning how to deal with them, recognize them and appreciate them to have moulded me into the person I am today.  I'm still "me", but in a way I feel like I'm a better "me" because of Tom, because of what we went through, and because of how I chose to deal with and learn from my grief.

This paragraph, written on March 8th 2011, in particular, hit me:

I'm a people-person. I find it fulfilling if I can inspire just one person. I believe in miracles; the birth of Nathan is proof. I truly enjoy love and never take even the small things for granted. It's the miracle of life that is humbling.  On the other end of the spectrum, when Tom passed away before my very eyes, and over this time, reflecting on our life together, and his last month of life, as much as it hurts not having him here, his moment of rebirth was beautiful in it's own way; peaceful. 


I'm happy to say that because of what I've learned about myself, I can give a better-self to a new special person in my life.  This is what I posted on my Facebook status on Sunday, April 22nd, 2012:

It's taken me a while to be public about my new relationship....worried about what people may think, what they might say, how Tom's family may react. But I realized none of this is about anyone else. Tom wanted me to be happy, and I'd want him to find happiness if I was gone from this earth. It doesn't mean I loved Tom any less. It doesn't mean I miss him any less. But I have found a wonderful man in Craig Knutson, who values life, family and completely respects my former life with my late-husband. It's a huge undertaking to be a part of mine and Nathan's life, and we are ready for this. The four of us... Me, Nate, Craig & Dylan.


Yes, I do believe that Tom had a little to do with leading me to where I am today, but most of it was me, all on my own.  I am so grateful to have found a man who appreciates life, God, family and respects mine and Nathan's past life with Tom, welcomes the stories I have to share, and enjoys me for me.

The grief of losing my husband will never go away.  I just learn a new way of living with it and learning how to deal with various emotions. It's been nearly a 15 month journey on this new path since Tom's death, and sometimes it seems like yesterday, then sometimes it seems like a lifetime ago.  It's just how it is.  Life on earth moves on, and so must we.

Peace,
Roxanne :)